IF U LOVED ME U WOULD BUY ME TPOF ;; whineee,,,,,

bc i want 2 die again my brain is getting me 2 hyperfixate on things it knows i fucking get on my knees 4 SO REN FIXATION IS BACK IN FULL ACTION i didnt notice until i was drawing him yesterday on accident. wwwwhhhateverr im started replaying some of his routes & i feel a bit better. still wanna cut but heyyyy that shit never goes away

mayb i should actually use this entry thing i set up w/its intended purpose & like vent in here.....eeeeeeughhhhhh THATS SO CRINGE THATS SO

its not like any1s going 2 find this garbage i might as well whine some mroe X3

ok fart it its time 2 complain im just banging my head agsainst the table bc i cannot CONTIAN HOW ANNOYED I AM @ MYSELF 4 SUCH A STUPID FUCKING REASON 2. ALSO FUCK U FUTURE ME WHO MIGHT READ THIS UR GOING A BLOCK OF TEXT U DONT DESERVE SHIT ohhhh my god get a fucking job alr GO 2 SCHOOL EVERY1 H8S U its INSANE HOW ANNOYING U R look im literlly fucking crying & bleeding & bing stupid bc im thinking about SCHOOL IM NOT EVEN IN SCHOOL RN BC I FUCKING FAILED i got expelled i failled SO MANY CLASSES i took summers chool which was actually fun bc i like book work BUT I JUST CANT DO SHIT I CANT DO ANYTHING i am the most useless fucking bing on this planet istg like im over here WHINIGN & all i can do is sell my pity art 4 some pity money i h8 myself so muhc. im not smart im not talented all i have a knack 4 is disapointing every1 & I THINK IM PISSING EVERY1 OFF 2 i wish they would all just say they h8 me alr like ik they do bc FUCK MAN im so scared of talking 2 my friends 2 my family 2 any1 BUT I WANT 2 TALK I WANT 2 B SOCIAL I WANT 2 YAP GODDAMNIT its so annoying 1st world problems whatever i h8 myself so muhc im complaining about talking who fucking does that idk i just its i always think every1 h8s whenever i talk ever bc uhm HELLO look @ what im fucking typing right now this shit STINKSSSSS WHO WOULD WANT 2 LISTEN 2 U. ive been told my entire life 2 U WOULD THINK I WOUID GET THE HINT BUT NO IM STUPID. all the times ive been cut off or told 2 shut up & i continue 2 blah blahablha blah ablh i dont fucking get it what is wrong w/me y cant i just DO what other ppl WANT ME 2 DOOOO this is so annoying. THIS ISNT EVEN WAHT I WAS ORIGINALLY UPSET ABOUT im just a fucking victim IG fucking goging off on wah wahwah look how hard i am i mean my life is WAAAAAAHHHHHHH so fucking waht im mostly salty like the fucking ocean((not funny joke ik shut im i just want 2 die ok)) bc yesterday my mother showed me a GIFT she got from her TA & IT WAS SO SWEET. im not fucking jealous of her or anything im jealous of the TA. bc the TA wrote my mother a card as well & fucking my mother read it outloud 2 me all loud & proud & fucking IT WAS BASICALLY THIS: "ms ----, u r my favorite person! i wish u were my 2nd mom! signed; ur adopted child" & THE FUCKING CHILLS I GET FROM THAT FUCK MAN. like i want that mom. i want that fake persona that she keeps up @ her work @ the stupid library I WANT THAT PERSON 2 B EHRE @ HOME. BUT NO INSTEAD I HAD 2 GROW UP W/THE DRUNK VICTIM COMPLEX SISSY ASS BITCH OF A MOTHER WHO THINKS HITTING HER KIDS IS FAIR IF SHE DOESNT GET HER WAY. "ohhhh u guys never took care of meeee wahhhhhhhh" IM UR FUCKING KID Y DID I HAVE 2 DO THAT. Y. Y Y Y YYYYYY. I CAN BARELY TAKE CARE OF MY STUPID ASS SELF. i was never taught how 2 bathe properly TY WIKIHOW SHOUTOUT 2 WIKIHOW SHOUTOUT 2 TUMBLR 4 SHOWING ME HOW 2 FOLD MY LAUNDRY CORRECTLY. but ohhhh GOD just the constant baraging & i just cant do it. i never get listened 2 but i lend an ear & my mental health 4 DEALING W/HER & IT JUST SUCKS. I AM IN A FUCKING TIMELOOP & ITS NOT THE FUN KIND. PUT ME IN A DEATHLOOP I BEG OF U UNIVERSE. JEESIS FICK. this sucks. anwyays i feel bad 4 my mothers assistant. bc they believe in my mothers persona & she wants THAT as her parental figure. this sucks. also she spent a lot of moneuy on gifts & i just cant help but feel liek thats a waste. speaking of gifts. my mother got surgery 2gay. or errr,,,yesterday. its 2;47 AM ok stfu. & well she was kinda out of it just a weeeee bit. so my father wanted 2 go do a postal run & asked me in advance if i could watch over her so she doesnt fucking kill herself. & i was like yeah sure bc man i cant stand up 4 myself ever. anwyays it was fine. except 4 the fact she asked me if i got her any christmas gifts. like ERMMM NOOOO???? DO U EVEN REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST CHRISTMAN????? BC IK U DONT BC IVE HAD 2 TRY 2 EXPLAIN IT 2 U LIKE 3 FUCKING TIMES y did i relieve that so many tiems. shit if things go bad idk what 2 do bc my brohter moved back in; i cant go spend the night((s)) @ his house this time. shhhhittttttt. ok well iots fine, ill just hole up in my room depressed as usual. mayb not kill myself idk if i bled 2 muhc i bleed 2 muhc. but not INTENTIOALLY trying 2 kill myself this time. i say eyeing the bottle of pills next 2 me. no no its fine its whatever keep going 4 niko. OUT LIVE TRUMP & THEN U CAN DIE. sure wahtever.